To the dark angel who awakened me,
To the lady of the light,
Who grabbed my arm when passing by,
Holding it in between your thumb and index finger,
Holding it gently but with firm intention,
Like it was, just back then, for some reason, the most natural thing to do.
What reason could that be, standing like a guest in a tv show, already knowing that he has won the lottery, but unsure, if possible, at all, how to handle the overwhelming flow of emotion already putting pressure on his nervous system, but still the mind is holding the trigger and is pretending its disbelief to the body, I stood as firm as I could, looking at you, you’re face, at your eyes, and your conscious smile, still carefully pretending my body, that I haven’t got a clue of what the hell is going on.
But then you got closer, so close, you couldn’t focus your eyes on my face in front of you and neither could I. Instead, we looked rather straight into each other eyes, focussing infinity beyond, the deepest depths of the deepest desires, never seen or felt by myself, but reflected on the back the IRIS of your beloved one. It this still a kind of magic? Or are we already talking about predetermination? Are we knocking on heaven’s door? Has the great lord played us all along on our way to that very moment? In this very moment, it was all true at once. I believed in everything. Because it was all perfect. Even if I have been granted absolute power over the world, could change everything that is wrong, I wouldn’t dare to do so, afraid it could affect and only deteriorate this perfect moment there and then, that special point in spacetime shining in the light like a jewel in the rays of the sun, containing the reflection of everything within.
The Turmbühne on the opening night, right after the thunderstorm, the sun and the humidity dancing towards the blue sky above. Surely, rainbows could be spotted (I saw them everywhere
), with all the enthusiast dancer and all the happy faces, a crowd unifying in one common superfluid shared state in the presence of combined excited states overlapping each other. Thousands of happy thoughts converge to Happiness of thousands, beyond thinking, and light sprinkling the lines and the edges, separating sight from objects to be seen, free consciousness flowing from the tribune to the centre, and back again…All the faith, all the curiosity, from all the Fusionists getting ready for the so long desired take off, all that combined formed that plateau where we met.
All that happened while my fellows decided that next to you and your two friends was a good place to stay and were already unmounting their backpacks. That I did realize, when checking on them, for a sec. and I didn’t object. But turning back to you, you have already stepped back, back into the arms of your friend, but still consciously smiling at me.
And I kept dancing enjoying this invisible bond, I still felt attached to. From time to time a confirmation from your smiling face and the whiteness beyond your eyes, that all already felled perfect.
And then there couldn’t be any song better describing what I felt for you, then “I was made for loving you!”
You might, ask why I didn’t approach you, and I asked myself again and again. How could I have let you go like this? So this is only a small part of my answer, more over I didn’t want to do anything wrong, like hurting the one close to me and the ones close to you. Though I hadn’t had a clue back then…
Most of all, I was a miserable unconscious dude, even back then, I was lacking the most important ingredient of all: Freedom!
But that I didn’t realize back then, and it seemed to me, you neither! You mistook me for a freed soul (but I am just normally enlightened by birth), and by doing so, you set me on my path, searching for that missing link, preventing me from getting to you.
Though the answer seems ridiculously obvious to any attentive reader, I couldn’t see it back then. And so, I had to turn to the holy spirit contained in that little bottle carried by one of my friends, to let me see what I couldn’t see, but must know at all costs.
That portion, however, how miss dosed it might have been, hit me like nothing of that sort before, that I seriously doubted its content when speaking with the benefactor the next day.
Retrospectively I must admit that I was wrong. The content was exactly what it was supposed to be, and the extraordinary experience mainly stems from the generosity of your friends (Thx! I owe you as well! Love you
) and from the fact that the Great Lord manifested one of His finest angels just in front of me, which gave me a kind of kick you know…And then it opened my vision and my mind in unimaginable dimensions, stripping my self of, the state of there*s no you and no me. Our Boundaries that contain the Light, which separating the inside from the outside, the one from the other, or nothing but honeycombs, protecting us from the infinite and the similar, are erroneously mistaken for our self. The bee that thinks she is a honeycomb. Funny, you are proud of the shape of your comb, though all differ only marginally. Any thing good, anything attractive at you comes from the light shining through. That is the illusion of the self, Budda was talking about! We are all light, we are all the same…There is no self, no individual soul…
OK! I thought, now I have a story to tell…, but how exactly does that help in my situation?
I wanted to figure out after I have found myself again. I felt strangely like not being myself, more like I am just a commissionaire, doing business in replacement for an absent owner, unsure of his date of return, or even if he returns.
As if as well the frequency of events has changed dramatically, I had no time to think it through but had to continuously react to a rapidly changing world around me and could nothing but accept this emptiness for now.
But then the days became weeks, and I realized that this new state has indeed a lot of advantages over my old self. No longer bond to any pattern, I started to experience my new “emptiness” of myself as the freedom I was seeking for.
With that, every relationship to everyone close and far, had to be redefined. The closer, the harder. But no mercy! My freedom is not to discussion! You could rather argue with God about the colour of the sky, than about my freedom with me! All bonds had to be released; all treaties became invalid overnight (they are signed by someone no longer existent. Sorry
).Having done my homework, I found myself ready to test my new state, from there I now could easily enter (with in techno culture known practices) the white light and the infinity beyond, as I have nothing to lose or to conflict with anymore. But being there, felt a bit like being on a birthday party and being the only one not carrying any present with you. I mean these are the realms of Budda and Jesus. I haven’t even started to do anything great.
So, I wanted to change that, and above all, happiness is only true than shared, I started a field exercise, freed from myself, specifically looking out for people to accompany me to the unlimited freedom, the place without any borders or any difference between you and me. The place there all become one. The place where our deepest desires cling.
Could you do anybody any better? Could you achieve anything more?
As I had absolutely no clue how I should proceed, who is suitable. How can we connect? I decided to give the lead once again to the Master, Lord Shiva, doing nothing but waiting for him to ignite some action (like he did at Fusion Festival).
Music was great and dark, I almost reached my aimed point, though still low on dose, just by dancing in this last summer night to a magic Dark Psy DJ called HighKo. But no reaction to my dance, besides unwanted disturbances. So when I was offered an open slot in a yet two players game, evolving since hours next to me, I thankfully accepted the diversion (you can do whatever you want, when you’re free, you have nothing to worry about). It was by Shivas Grace, that we did share a particular passion as well. And with increasing dosage, we suddenly felt our bodies becoming indistinguishable. At least from my point of view, I can say that I couldn’t make out the borders of my feeling nor my “controlled area”. We seemed to be gotten one. Happiness and real love flowing in circles through our hearts, until everything got suddenly frozen in time and the pure white light shining out of her beautiful big brown eyes facing the stars above, crystal clear white light in a frozen picture, like some cyberpunk comic illustration, was the last visible impression before floating to the grounds of the freed souls, flying around us. Being watched by a group of 3 fellows, we grouped to a circle holding each other and letting each other know, how their mind is going crazy. Thoughts of revolution, as well as THE solution are briefly and cryptically share, along with expressions of intense happiness and FREEDOM of course.
So unknowingly I really achieved where I was setting out for! And I experienced the magic of the triangle, playing a great role by doing so. Then I was contemplating how that all started out, I remembered you again. And ahh, there is now another link, we share. It’s now so easy to spot them everywhere
. There is hope for mankind! New world order keeps establishing…It all becomes crystal clear, the pyramid and the eye in the pyramid. The new structure of society. Fluid yet, will be the foundation of a new age when condensed…
All that started with you! Thx! May Shiva rewards you…
Your shining, your presence and especially your love can make a difference! It did to me. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it. You were like an ever-present angel in my mind. Shining my way through the dark light. I will always remind you and love you!
And you already touched my soul, and I had you in my arms (all I ever wanted, all I ever needed...
and we touched our souls, and I had your sweet kisses, five of them, one for each you finger of my hand you were still holding then leaving into the dark night, leaving me as well, in that dark night where you found me. And you have been on my mind for so long. Sometimes as the angel who brought back white love to my life, sometimes as my desired one, and above all my liberator. It feels good to let you know that…Though I am not the platonic love type of guy, and no literate, as I prefer, like all techno dancers and Lord Shiva devotees I guess, to let my body do the talking, I thought maybe my words can touch you, while my fingers and palms are thousands (or hopefully only a few hundreds, i.e. hours:) miles away…
I am sure your eyes can tell me more I can ever ask, and so I have only one question to you: “When can I look into those again?”
Love You!
The dark dancer (always) on your side!